Part of You Pours Out of Me

Growth is painful. I attest to this.
Do I have to ask whether it is worth it?

Would I change the things I have gone through if I had the choice? This question has always bothered me a little. I wouldn’t want to boil down my hard times to one or two “why”s. Oh, THIS is why that happened. I don’t want to do that because it seems to limit the ripple effect of growth.

Today a friend payed me a high compliment by saying that he enjoys how honest I am with myself… not just honest to others about who I am, but honest with myself about who I am. After he said this I considered how it would be if I did otherwise… or rather, how it is when I do otherwise. I constantly come back to the reality that I must always live with myself. I cannot get away from me, no matter what I do or where I go. I am with myself when I wake up in the morning, at my side all day, and then, still there when I lay down to sleep at night…..

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Where everyone would love to drown

One of my dearest friends ever got married on Saturday. Jessica Beach Wilson. (she gotta married!)

The couple was stunning. He in pale pink, she in pale yellow- both tall and beautiful people. I was blessed to be able to fly back for the weekend to be there for the party.

What I find hard about parties is that I feel compelled to really connect with everyone I love. I am much better with one on one time than at parties. When there are a lot of people  I have a hard time deciding who I should actually connect with since often there is not enough time to do this with everyone in a way that, at the end of the night, I feel like I did it well.
Invariably I end the time (which feels like it has gone in fast forward) thinking (in slow motion) over each interaction and how I could have done my part better. Walking home from my friends house Saturday night I was feeling guilty about several things- ways I “failed” that day and then I sort of pulled out of myself and thought “That is really unnecessary and unkind for you to do this to yourself”.

Is it just me?….

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Last bits of summer…

I added several more pictures to my “people” set. It would have made more sense if I could have attached them to the posts they belong with, but instead I will just tell you they are there so you know.

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The packing is going well. Victories are being won here. At the same time I am preparing to camp for a couple of days in the mountains….

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Unrehearsed Family Bonding

We’re still at Mom’s house in Idaho.

I’m happy to be with these people- you know- family. I’m a little surprised at how many good moments of connection there have been amidst so many thoughts in my head about life and church and family and the future. It’s like I have more senses and I can suddenly multitask  the input from each one without overload.

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The characters here are as follows…

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