How was Paul the Apostle so confident? So active, so joyful, so sure of his position in God?
How am I so insecure? So easily discouraged, so doubtful of my position?
As I asked those questions, I heard in my head, “because you make it about you.” I make it about how I feel, what I think, what I’ve done, who I am.
When I woke up Friday morning I felt a kind of inner turmoil- like there was something rotten that needed attending. As I sat down to write in my journal I couldn’t really think of anything to say and I couldn’t figure out what my problem was. Because I’ve been slowly learning this lesson about the fact that my identity is not swayed by whatever my current emotion is, I just asked God in my head, “Is my heart in your hands, Lord?” and he simply responded, “It is.”
As I study Philippians, I’ve been kind of astounded by this statement, “If I am in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me.” (Philippians 1:22)
Paul knew that his work would accomplish something because he was doing God’s work, following God’s call, living in obedience. He was sure that God would make it fruitful.
He even says later in chapter 3 that he puts no confidence in himself and his abilities – it’s not about what he can or cannot do. He counted all of his former trophies as garbage so that he could cling to the sacrifice and perfection of Jesus. He strained toward identifying with Jesus in love and suffering – looking to position himself firmly in Christ… Continue reading “Failure Loses Its Sting”
The house is napping and I am in the basement with the books. It’s a daylight basement, which is really more of a rainlight basement.
Although I grew up in the great Northwet of
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Washington, I have spent just enough time away to gain a nostalgic perspective.
In small towns like Carnation (where I am today) I look outside and immediately remember movies like The Journey of Natty Gann, which then make me think of logging trucks, and big men wearing plaid and big beards.
Or I remember walking from school like a pencil line connecting the dots of puddles the whole way home…. Continue reading “The Un-Adult Truth”
Last night I watched the movie Amazing Grace with a few friends. I heard about William Wilberforce during the school I did last fall on communications and I am again moved by his dedication to fight injustice… and keep fighting when it seemed too few were listening.
After the movie and while waiting for my laundry to dry I was thinking about this passionate abolitionist and, as
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usual, pondering what I will be when I grow up. I made some steps forward this week by letting go of some responsibilities that were not ‘the thing’ so that I can be freed up to for whatever ‘the thing’ might be. At the same time I have been totally exhausted and realizing that wherever I go I always end up having more people in my heart than I have energy to effectively walk with.
So I need boundaries and I need to stay really close to God who sees it all and knows for whom and how much I should be poured out…. Continue reading “Wake me up inside”
I watched the documentary War Photographer last week for class and it has changed my perspective… or, rather, it has focused my vision for my purpose as a photographer. I’m so inspired by this man, James Nachtwey.
Solitude is a good thing, right? I think so. I think it’s possible to find solitude when I am not alone but what happens when I’m alone is the interesting thing because it seems to happen so rarely.
There is always the possibility, in this alone kind of solitude that things will turn south towards loneliness. Is this the point when you know you should reach out to others? What if it’s the middle of the night and you just can’t sleep?