Going for walks in the morning is like stepping into a fairytale as some sick, old creature. The woods are glittery and towering, decorated with a million invisible strands of web, still drenched by the rainstorm from several days ago. Naturally I listen to music while I walk, and this just adds to the beauty and romance of the trail.
I didn’t appreciate Robert Frost’s poetry until I moved to Warm Beach Camp, but walking through the woods every day from my apartment to the bakeshop, I got to know nature in a much more personal way than I ever had before… Continue reading “The Wild Quiet”
If I could create a drawing that described this year, it would probably be a comic strip. The whole thing would be a roller coaster ride.
After sitting here thinking for a while, I realize that describing the pictures I would draw is probably less effective than just describing the year itself.
January: This was a month of great elation. I had just completed the School of Biblical Studies, which is a marathon of studying for 9 months. I had puffy, bluish skin under my eyes and a great big smile on my face.
February: I went home for 6 weeks to “raise support.” I put it in quotes because that is not as concrete an activity as some might make it out to be. Basically I hung out with my friends, made new friends, and spoke to a few groups of people about the work I feel called to do as a Missionary…. Continue reading “Holler”
My work as Camp Pastor is now over. It was a lot harder and a lot more rewarding than I expected. In fact, I don’t think I realized I was expecting anything until it all unfolded.
Here’s what I learned about Jr. Highers:
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Their faces do not express what is in their hearts unless you are relentless and then they will cry. Their skill with waiting out the awkward silence almost matches my own. Let’s be honest, a few times, they won the silence. They are both adult and child, mixed together in a way that makes it difficult to navigate things like kindness and discipline. I think it’s mixed up for them, too… Continue reading “Coming of Age”
This week at Jr. High camp, the theme is Finding Your Place in God’s Epic Story. Even though I worked at this camp for 8 years, this is my first time really being involved with the kids. For all of those years I worked in the kitchen or the bookstore. Now I am Camp Pastor. I give it capital letters because the thought has freaked me out a few times.
No more at any point than it did last night in the middle of chapel. It’s one thing to realize you have a gift for a particular thing and it’s another to begin the journey of using that gift. As you may know, there are a lot of things to learn and these lessons are often learned in the middle of making mistakes…. Continue reading “Jr. Highers vs. The Awkward Silence”
Tonight I wrapped up a very mini series with the program staff here at Warm Beach Camp on Intimacy With God. What God gave me to give to them was pretty basic, on one hand, but also felt hard to execute. The two main things that I felt I was supposed to talk about were the spiritual principles of intimacy with God from Psalm 63:1-8 told through the lens of my own story with God.
The four spiritual realities that I found in those verses were these:
Continue reading “Satellite Heart”
Every time I come home to Western Washington I have a few fears that tangle up in my hair and gently squeeze my heart muscle.
* I will miss something/someone.
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* I will run into an old version of myself and forget who I have become (am becoming).
* I won’t be able to leave when it’s time to go back to Colorado.
* I will get sick (it has happened the last 3 times). It is, after all, the land of mold.
Just before coming home this time, I asked the staff at the YWAM base in Co Springs prayed for me. Also, I was just honest with God about my fears and hopes and I laid all of those down and said, “Do what You want! You are good!”… Continue reading “Good Time Gal”
Just because it’s been so long since I posted photos, I wanted to post this post.
On Wednesday evening I went out with my friends to grab some photos of their family.
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The sky was threatening, and while I started out nervous that it would rain on us, in the end I was glad because the sky was so much more interesting than plain old blue. We didn’t get the magical evening light, but we did get dramatic clouds.
I gave up the idea of being a professional photographer a few years ago, but there’s no way I would give up being a photographer altogether, and considering that I have a multitude of friends who cannot afford professional prices, it’s awesome that I have the equipment and some skill to bless them with…. Continue reading “Picture This”
Here’s what I’m thinking about today as I slowly sip a cup of coffee.
It’s one of the things I’ve been wrestling with this year. I’ve lived in Colorado for almost two years now but in many ways I still feel very new. Sometimes it feels like I’ve settled here, but to be honest it’s more like I’ve just become good friends with Colorado Springs. We’ve had a few fights (blazing fires, snow in April) and we’ve had some good times (hiking in the hills, summer-length summers) but I have known Home so deeply in WA that it’s hard to compare it. In fact, I don’t want to compare the two places.
One thing that solidifies my desire to understand all of it is a conversation I had with the last speaker in the school a few weeks ago. He used to travel around the world and teach the way I have been dreaming of doing and so I asked him if he would sit down with me and give me some pointers about doing this well. He had some really good tips. One of them was to have a home to come back to- not a house necessarily, but a community and a place where I feel grounded… Continue reading “Place to Be”
I’m grateful to realize that the story I’m about to share has already been shared with several friends in person. Living in Colorado and being so busy has made that a near impossibility for the last year. I forgot what it was like to get to share a story so many times out loud that it gains something vital in each telling.
To begin, please imagine you hear swelling, dramatic music…
I’ll start with age 17 when I felt called to be a missionary. I thought that meant I should go to Bible college and although I didn’t actually need to go to college, God used that year at Moody Bible Institute to work a lot into my life. After failing horribly in my classes and feeling horrible for a good, long year, God led me to an organization called YWAM (Youth With A Mission). I did a DTS (Discipleship Training School) for 6 months in 2003 and had a real experience in missions. During that time I came to the realization that what I really needed was a real home and community in the USA from which to be sent.
I had no idea how to find a home, let alone how to become a meaningful part of community…. Continue reading “To Build a Home”
It was probably close to 50F when I left Jessica’s house a few hours ago intending to come home and possibly read or knit. The walk from Jessica’s to the house I’m staying is short enough that I almost do not have to experience the weather before I am back inside. Thankfully a light breeze caressed my cheek just halfway home and I took the gesture as an invitation to take a walk. In addition to the nearly warm night air, my tummy was very full from some delicious, spicy dish I had just eaten at Jessica’s.
Add to that a head full of questions, prayers and thoughts, and you have the perfect ingredients for a very good, long walk…. Continue reading “Midwinter Nights Walk”
Home is a happy vortex. It’s a little disorienting but awesome.
So far I have been to a Christmas party, a photo shoot, a concert in downtown Seattle (with my friend Sara’s band), a tree decorating, a walk on the rocky, cold beach, some Christmas shopping and now some cookie making. Lots of coffee and conversations about God.
The disorienting part concerns making decisions about how to spend my time…. while the hours keep running. The sun goes up (so I assume by the lightness of the grey outside) and the sun goes down and it keeps happening at seemingly lightning speed. What’s up with that?
How can I do everything I want to do? Must I sleep?
It seems like an impossible math equation that the work I want to do is so far away from the people I belong to.
One of my dearest friends ever got married on Saturday. Jessica
Beach Wilson. (she gotta married!)
The couple was stunning. He in pale pink, she in pale yellow- both tall and beautiful people. I was blessed to be able to fly back for the weekend to be there for the party.
What I find hard about parties is that I feel compelled to really connect with everyone I love. I am much better with one on one time than at parties. When there are a lot of people I have a hard time deciding who I should actually connect with since often there is not enough time to do this with everyone in a way that, at the end of the night, I feel like I did it well.
Invariably I end the time (which feels like it has gone in fast forward) thinking (in slow motion) over each interaction and how I could have done my part better. Walking home from my friends house Saturday night I was feeling guilty about several things- ways I “failed” that day and then I sort of pulled out of myself and thought “That is really unnecessary and unkind for you to do this to yourself”.
Is it just me?…. Continue reading “Where everyone would love to drown”
I had a talk yesterday with Jessica about The Unknown.
Somehow the unknown used to seem less scary. Maybe I was naively optimistic about the possible outcomes. Now I am not quite a cynic, but I am more wary. Also I have learned how awesome it can be to be known and know others… to get good and comfortable in the familiar.
When I think about moving to Colorado sometimes I feel afraid. It’s very unknown and I will be leaving some pretty incredible people who have become so dear to me…. Continue reading “Running headlong”