Good Time Gal

Every time I come home to Western Washington I have a few fears that tangle up in my hair and gently squeeze my heart muscle.

* I will miss something/someone.

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* I will run into an old version of myself and forget who I have become (am becoming).
* I won’t be able to leave when it’s time to go back to Colorado.
* I will get sick (it has happened the last 3 times). It is, after all, the land of mold.

Just before coming home this time, I asked the staff at the YWAM base in Co Springs prayed for me. Also, I was just honest with God about my fears and hopes and I laid all of those down and said, “Do what You want! You are good!”…

I arrived on Friday evening and it’s now Monday afternoon. The weekend was so much more lovely than I could ever have planned. My personality is such that I like to “flow.”

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I don’t like to have a strict and full schedule, but I do like to be with people and I do want to see as many people as I can while I’m here. The last two days were like a symphony of going-with-the-flow and making the most of the time…. ¬†two things I am pretty useless at orchestrating for myself. It was the perfect answer to the prayers prayed before coming here.

I’ve never felt so grateful for “having a good time.” Many times in the last two days I felt full, overwhelmed with joy to know these people.

Saturday morning Jessica and I sat in our pajamas, drank coffee and talked. We got in some laughing and some crying. After showering, two friends showed up (who don’t live in the area,

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but just happened to be here for the day) and those two friends drew two other friends. We stood on Jessica’s porch and talked about bits and pieces, a joy here, a struggle there. Then Jess and I drove down to see my brother-in-law because we had a technical problem he could fix (I was just happy for the excuse). We had dinner. We watched a movie.
Sunday, it was an hour in the living room with Emily and then her husband and boys showed up. I got to drive by myself to run an errand for a friend, down windy, sunny roads with music and talking to God. There was a get together of friends happening on my way back and then one more when I got home.

Tonight I get to speak to the camp staff about intimacy with God.

This is only a small slice of the blessing and I know my words are not really doing all of this justice. When I first moved to Colorado I kept asking God why he had sent me so far away from home but now I am beginning to see. I see that, like parents who keep having kids, this is not about being divided, sliced up and taken apart. This is about expanding, enlarging capacity. It isn’t something I could create nor can I maintain it.

Like the Sara Groves song says, “I cannot make it and I cannot fake it/ I can’t afford it, but it’s mine.”

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