Every time I come home to Western Washington I have a few fears that tangle up in my hair and gently squeeze my heart muscle.
* I will miss something/someone.
no images were found
* I will run into an old version of myself and forget who I have become (am becoming).
* I won’t be able to leave when it’s time to go back to Colorado.
* I will get sick (it has happened the last 3 times). It is, after all, the land of mold.
Just before coming home this time, I asked the staff at the YWAM base in Co Springs prayed for me. Also, I was just honest with God about my fears and hopes and I laid all of those down and said, “Do what You want! You are good!”…
I arrived on Friday evening and it’s now Monday afternoon. The weekend was so much more lovely than I could ever have planned. My personality is such that I like to “flow.”
no images were foundI don’t like to have a strict and full schedule, but I do like to be with people and I do want to see as many people as I can while I’m here. The last two days were like a symphony of going-with-the-flow and making the most of the time…. two things I am pretty useless at orchestrating for myself. It was the perfect answer to the prayers prayed before coming here.
I’ve never felt so grateful for “having a good time.” Many times in the last two days I felt full, overwhelmed with joy to know these people.
Saturday morning Jessica and I sat in our pajamas, drank coffee and talked. We got in some laughing and some crying. After showering, two friends showed up (who don’t live in the area,
no images were foundbut just happened to be here for the day) and those two friends drew two other friends. We stood on Jessica’s porch and talked about bits and pieces, a joy here, a struggle there. Then Jess and I drove down to see my brother-in-law because we had a technical problem he could fix (I was just happy for the excuse). We had dinner. We watched a movie.
Sunday, it was an hour in the living room with Emily and then her husband and boys showed up. I got to drive by myself to run an errand for a friend, down windy, sunny roads with music and talking to God. There was a get together of friends happening on my way back and then one more when I got home.
Tonight I get to speak to the camp staff about intimacy with God.
This is only a small slice of the blessing and I know my words are not really doing all of this justice. When I first moved to Colorado I kept asking God why he had sent me so far away from home but now I am beginning to see. I see that, like parents who keep having kids, this is not about being divided, sliced up and taken apart. This is about expanding, enlarging capacity. It isn’t something I could create nor can I maintain it.
Like the Sara Groves song says, “I cannot make it and I cannot fake it/ I can’t afford it, but it’s mine.”