Something I discovered last year stays true today; breakdown leads to breakthrough. After the crying moments I experienced last week, there has been so much more peace.
This week God gave me a picture of something really beautiful concerning these dark places in my heart that I had noticed but wasn’t sure what to do with. Bear with me while I give some back story: In 2003 there were several times when my heart was likened to a house. At the time the house was shut up tight. Blinds down, door locked. It was pretty cozy in the living room area with a fire in the fire place, but no one was getting in there with me. Two other pictures of this house that year involved my struggle with depression and that soon I would stand up from a slump I had been experiencing.
Then several years later I was dealing with some issues I had with food and had a mental picture of that same house with a big, hungry monster in the basement. Insatiable, demanding and grown out of a desire to protect myself from pain.
I’ve been walking out some awesome healing this year. I have been finding more and more how God really will satisfy my needs…. and that most of those needs come down to a need for love. This is so good and feels a little bit like learning how to fly….
So here’s the picture I had the other morning during worship: As I was singing, that old picture of my heart as a house came to my mind. Same house as I remember from years and years ago. At that particular moment, I was basically telling God that I wanted him to have every part of me, every piece. So when the house popped into my mind, I immediately interacted with it by picturing myself running to every window and every door and throwing them all wide open. I did this and then stepped out the front door, off the porch and then down into the grass, the sun beaming down on my upturned face.
As I stepped outside, the Spirit of God rushed into the house and here is what he did;similar to something Jeremiah says).
Up in the attic, where my memories were kept, everything was sparkly clean and organized. Photos were in albums and a cozy rocking chair sat by the open window. I have a frame in my real life room which is three matted photos – they are of my daughter Sarah from the day that she was alive. This same frame was in my heart attic except that instead of the pictures being the same ones of her as an infant, they were three different and moving pictures of her now- doing things that most 5yr olds don’t get to do. In one picture she had her face painted like a tiger and she was pouncing around playfully with an actual tiger. In another picture she was waltzing with a branchy tree.
Every broken thing that God came across as he swept through the house, he scooped up into his hands to deal with himself. Every corner of the house was cleaned, the furniture repaired, the decorations beautifully transformed. There are rooms that I have not explored, but I know when I do they will not be the old, dusty rooms they once were.
Is this very weird? My brain works so much in pictures that for me this was a powerful moment and has lingered with me, reshaping how I view both God and myself.
What about you? What metaphor would you use to describe your heart? What has/is happening there? What do you hope will happen?