Is it me, Lord?

This is a mini revelation I had the other day about how God loves and forgives me.

My friend Jodi has two small children. Brynn is four, I think and like all kids her age (and my age), she does bad things sometimes.
The other day I was talking with Jodi and we heard some crying from down the hallway. We headed that way and there was a neighbor boy crying and heading toward the room where his dad was sitting. Brynn was behind him with distress on her face. She headed straight for Jodi and simply said, “I pushed him.” It was clear from her face that she felt remorse. Jodi very calmly said, “Ok, go make it right. Go tell him you’re sorry.”

Another little girl was ready to tell the whole story to the adult and this was upsetting to Brynn. She came back and cried out, “I ALREADY TOLD HER WHAT I DID!” Jodi was still calm and dealt with the emotions. She repeated her kind instructions to go make things right with the little boy….

What struck me was how often I feel like Brynn. I’m so afraid of what other people will see in me and say to God or each other about me. But all I need to do is go straight to God and say, “I did this.” He knows me. He’s not swayed even by what I think of myself. He just loves me and says, “Okay, honey. Go make it right. Go say you’re sorry.”

Did Jodi stop loving Brynn when she found out she had pushed someone? Would any of Brynn’s actions lead Jodi to stop loving her?

Of course not.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
(Matthew 7:7-11)

I have an incredibly enormous guilty conscience. I don’t know where it comes from, but I’m so grateful that God continues to patiently kick its butt. And I’m grateful for my friends who are good parents to their children and their children are good examples to me of trust.

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