Today was so incredible and I’m not sure if I can put it into words that will do it justice.
For a start, last night was not good. Bad zombie nightmare and then no sleeping… bad dreams for my roommate as well and for the kid who lives next door to us (my roommate heard him screaming after she woke up from her nightmare).
But when I woke up very early to work out, I was full of excitement. I refused to let a bad night influence such a day as today.
Just in the introductions this morning I felt an almost overwhelming gratitude rising up in me. I admit I got choked up several times.
Then during worship (which involves the whole base) they all prayed for us students and our staff. I had four different people pray for me things that God has been speaking to me in the last few weeks- using specific words He had used to me. I just stood with my head bowed, nodding and crying because again, God is so good and faithful and generous. He speaks and all of His plans are good….
This is the part I don’t know how to explain. I conveyed it this way to my friend Christian earlier today: When I came to Colorado Springs last fall to do the communications school I felt a bit like a kid put up for adoption. I wanted to stay with my original parents (the camp) and I wasn’t sure what was in store for me in this new place. Since coming back here in January, I have had this growing sense that I am being adopted into a family more loving, accepting and welcoming than I ever expected. I am finding more real connections between my deepest longings and what is available here than I would have dared to hope for.
It’s dramatic to put it that way, but it’s true, both in terms of my need for healing and my longing to pour truth and the knowledge of God’s love into others.
Then another blessing on top of this crazy huge blessing of getting to spend the next 9 months living in God’s word…. One of the people over Personnel mentioned that they were praying over some staff applications (their method of accepting people is to get a group of leadership together, read and pray over applications). I said “OH! I have mine in my purse but I don’t have the money for the application fee just yet!” She responded “We already prayed over yours.” I said, “But I haven’t given it to you yet!” She said “We used your application from ICN.”
I was like “WHAT!?” This was more awesome than I was expecting. I had put off turning in my application for several reasons and her overriding the normal process just blew those reasons away like small bits of ash.
Later she came back to speak to our class and announced that I had been accepted as staff.
All of this just sets me free to pursue God… the very thing I long most to do. I see so clearly why God didn’t tell me 5 months ago “I want you to do the SBS”… I was not ready to hear it. I would have found it impossible to prepare for and maybe a burden… a frightening prospect. But since coming back here I have just spent a lot of time with God, a lot of time remembering how trustworthy, loving and good He is. Also time realizing that I’m actually loved and accepted by Him… even enjoyed by Him. This has healed many deep wounds.
And it seems that today is the perfect picture of His great love and acceptance.
There is also a heavy commission in this privilege and I don’t take it lightly. This is not just about me feeling good about myself. It is part of this ultimate purpose of knowing God and making Him known. It’s a calling that we all have. Even you.
So today, and I hope every day, I say, God is good. God is good. He is faithful. His love endures forever. He is worthy of everything I have, everything we have and our whole lives.