Satellite Heart

Tonight I wrapped up a very mini series with the program staff here at Warm Beach Camp on Intimacy With God. What God gave me to give to them was pretty basic, on one hand, but also felt hard to execute. The two main things that I felt I was supposed to talk about were the spiritual principles of intimacy with God from Psalm 63:1-8 told through the lens of my own story with God.

The four spiritual realities that I found in those verses were these:

  • Being hungry for God (wanting Him).
  • Seeing God.
  • Loving God.
  • Being satisfied in God.

I told my own story in a pretty chronological fashion; from meeting God on the front porch at 16yrs old after a long depression, through failures, mistakes, tragic loss, as well as becoming rooted in community and growing firmer in my belief in His love. I also shared my most recent discovery about how to be satisfied in God as a “satellite” (a single missionary).

This group of young people blessed me enormously with their openness and acceptance. I got to have numerous conversations ranging from what movies are our fall-back for quoting, to  lies about themselves that they wrestle with. Each time I asked them hard questions, they stepped up to the plate with vulnerable and real answers.

What is really exciting to me is that although I was their “pastor” this week, next week I will get to work with them as they receive a new group of younger kids to camp. It is ever my desire in ministry to not just tell people what it’s like to walk with God, but to actually walk with them as they learn for themselves.

On another note, I am learning my own lesson this week. I’ve had this song in my head for a few weeks now, and today it took me even deeper. The lyrics are thus:

You call me out upon the water
The great unknown, where feet may fail
And there I find you in the mystery
In oceans deep, my faith will stand

So I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in your embrace,
For I am yours, and you are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and you won’t start now

So I will call upon your name, and keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in your embrace
For I am yours, and you are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the water, wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

One thing I run into when I come home is an old version of myself which undermines the things God has been teaching me about his love and my place in it. This older version of myself is really worried, worried about what others think (how I’m failing them) and what God thinks (how I disappoint Him).

I was sitting in Jessica’s car today, waiting while she went into a store. As I sat there, I felt that old self rising up with worry and instead of indulging the worry, I started singing this song.¬†

Normally when I sing this song, I picture being in some far away country, called to endure some difficult trial (spiritually walking on the water). Today as I sang, I realized that walking on the water for me is Believing God. Right now. Believing that what He has shown me about Himself and about me is true. I belong to Him and He is totally good and radically loves me. Right now. Right here.

I don’t know if those words convey the significance of this revelation, but for me it was vital. And reviving.

One thought on “Satellite Heart”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *