Counting Thursdays

January again.

This year I had better intentions for the month. I had planned, not only to be busy but also to be happy. The funny thing about my “happy plan” is that the only thing involved in the “plan” was that I choose to be happy. Certainly this is a possible thing to do, but I might have been smarter to give myself helps along the way.

This doesn’t mean I’m unhappy today, it just means that the melancholy I felt a little yesterday and the grumpy I felt a bit this morning were both confusing surprises to me. I tend to deal better with emotions when I know why I feel them.

But here is what I realized this morning. I was thinking about the coming week because my roommate had asked me if today was my daughter’s birthday. “No,” I said, “it’s (and I had to count the date and days on my fingers) Thursday.” This, then made me realize a lot of interesting similarities that are occurring this year that haven’t occurred since she was actually born…. Continue reading “Counting Thursdays”

I’m only sleeping

I find myself feeling empty a lot. Empty feels like a lot of other emotions but when someone asks me “What’s wrong?” and I can’t place why I feel tired/sad/lonely/frustrated/angry… I realize I am empty of energy.

Why am I so empty? I can think of several reasons. One is a lack of exercise. Since coming back to Colorado I haven’t worked out once. I took a much needed rest from routine but at some point rest begins to weaken me. Reason two is lack of sleep. It’s not that I go to bed so late, but I do go to bed late and then I don’t sleep very well. I wake up with very little time in the morning to breath and realize why I’m grateful to be alive before I head into a new and confusing job…. Continue reading “I’m only sleeping”