The Wild Quiet

Going for walks in the morning is like stepping into a fairytale as some sick, old creature. The woods are glittery and towering, decorated with a million invisible strands of web, still drenched by the rainstorm from several days ago. Naturally I listen to music while I walk, and this just adds to the beauty and romance of the trail.

I didn’t appreciate Robert Frost’s poetry until I moved to Warm Beach Camp, but walking through the woods every day from my apartment to the bakeshop, I got to know nature in a much more personal way than I ever had before… Continue reading “The Wild Quiet”

Coming of Age

My work as Camp Pastor is now over. It was a lot harder and a lot more rewarding than I expected. In fact, I don’t think I realized I was expecting anything until it all unfolded.

Here’s what I learned about Jr. Highers:

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Their faces do not express what is in their hearts unless you are relentless and then they will cry. Their skill with waiting out the awkward silence almost matches my own. Let’s be honest, a few times, they won the silence. They are both adult and child, mixed together in a way that makes it difficult to navigate things like kindness and discipline. I think it’s mixed up for them, too… Continue reading “Coming of Age”

Jr. Highers vs. The Awkward Silence

This week at Jr. High camp, the theme is Finding Your Place in God’s Epic Story. Even though I worked at this camp for 8 years, this is my first time really being involved with the kids. For all of those years I worked in the kitchen or the bookstore. Now I am Camp Pastor. I give it capital letters because the thought has freaked me out a few times.

No more at any point than it did last night in the middle of chapel. It’s one thing to realize you have a gift for a particular thing and it’s another to begin the journey of using that gift. As you may know, there are a lot of things to learn and these lessons are often learned in the middle of making mistakes…. Continue reading “Jr. Highers vs. The Awkward Silence”

Satellite Heart

Tonight I wrapped up a very mini series with the program staff here at Warm Beach Camp on Intimacy With God. What God gave me to give to them was pretty basic, on one hand, but also felt hard to execute. The two main things that I felt I was supposed to talk about were the spiritual principles of intimacy with God from Psalm 63:1-8 told through the lens of my own story with God.

The four spiritual realities that I found in those verses were these:
Continue reading “Satellite Heart”

Good Time Gal

Every time I come home to Western Washington I have a few fears that tangle up in my hair and gently squeeze my heart muscle.

* I will miss something/someone.

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* I will run into an old version of myself and forget who I have become (am becoming).
* I won’t be able to leave when it’s time to go back to Colorado.
* I will get sick (it has happened the last 3 times). It is, after all, the land of mold.

Just before coming home this time, I asked the staff at the YWAM base in Co Springs prayed for me. Also, I was just honest with God about my fears and hopes and I laid all of those down and said, “Do what You want! You are good!”… Continue reading “Good Time Gal”

Picture This

Just because it’s been so long since I posted photos, I wanted to post this post.
On Wednesday evening I went out with my friends to grab some photos of their family.

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The sky was threatening, and while I started out nervous that it would rain on us, in the end I was glad because the sky was so much more interesting than plain old blue. We didn’t get the magical evening light, but we did get dramatic clouds.

I gave up the idea of being a professional photographer a few years ago, but there’s no way I would give up being a photographer altogether, and considering that I have a multitude of friends who cannot afford professional prices, it’s awesome that I have the equipment and some skill to bless them with…. Continue reading “Picture This”

Place to Be

Here’s what I’m thinking about today as I slowly sip a cup of coffee.

Home.

It’s one of the things I’ve been wrestling with this year. I’ve lived in Colorado for almost two years now but in many ways I still feel very new. Sometimes it feels like I’ve settled here, but to be honest it’s more like I’ve just become good friends with Colorado Springs. We’ve had a few fights (blazing fires, snow in April) and we’ve had some good times (hiking in the hills, summer-length summers) but I have known Home so deeply in WA that it’s hard to compare it. In fact, I don’t want to compare the two places.

One thing that solidifies my desire to understand all of it is a conversation I had with the last speaker in the school a few weeks ago. He used to travel around the world and teach the way I have been dreaming of doing and so I asked him if he would sit down with me and give me some pointers about doing this well. He had some really good tips. One of them was to have a home to come back to- not a house necessarily, but a community and a place where I feel grounded… Continue reading “Place to Be”

The Chaos Theory

Just one more day left in the great state of Washington.

I could let my current state of broken exhaustion speak to whether the time here has been “successful,” but I’m not sure that it should. We’re big fans of simple summaries. “How was your trip?” “It was good, thanks for asking,” or “Oh man, it was bad, glad that’s over.”
It’s unkind to get mad at people for asking this very generic question as they pass you in the hallway but I have never found simple summaries easy. I need to talk to several people who are willing to listen to me ramble for a while as I figure out what just happened before I can feel comfortable with this one or two sentence response.

I had a good day of realization on Sunday. I had just spent several days doing nothing because of some intense neck pain and I had a “support raising lunch” to be a part of after church. During church the pastor talked about our false selves and how the goal is to lay those down, let God work on us and learn from him about our true selves. I hear that message with my life. I have always felt this sureness that no matter what the social standard is, I will likely not measure up, so the best thing I can do is combat my need for approval with total honesty and an appropriate level of vulnerability. It’s a bit like shock therapy for my false self and it keeps me trusting in God’s love and goodnessContinue reading “The Chaos Theory”

To Build a Home

I’m grateful to realize that the story I’m about to share has already been shared with several friends in person. Living in Colorado and being so busy has made that a  near impossibility for the last year. I forgot what it was like to get to share a story so many times out loud that it gains something vital in each telling.

To begin, please imagine you hear swelling, dramatic music

I’ll start with age 17 when I felt called to be a missionary. I thought that meant I should go to Bible college and although I didn’t actually need to go to college, God used that year at Moody Bible Institute to work a lot into my life. After failing horribly in my classes and feeling horrible for a good, long year, God led me to an organization called YWAM (Youth With A Mission). I did a DTS (Discipleship Training School) for 6 months in 2003 and had a real experience in missions. During that time I came to the realization that what I really needed was a real home and community in the USA  from which to be sent.

I had no idea how to find a home, let alone how to become a meaningful part of community…. Continue reading “To Build a Home”

The Un-Adult Truth

The house is napping and I am in the basement with the books. It’s a daylight basement, which is really more of a rainlight basement.

Although I grew up in the great Northwet of

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Washington, I have spent just enough time away to gain a nostalgic perspective.
In small towns like Carnation (where I am today) I look outside and immediately remember movies like The Journey of Natty Gann, which then make me think of logging trucks, and big men wearing plaid and big beards.
Or I remember walking  from school like a pencil line connecting the dots of puddles the whole way home…. Continue reading “The Un-Adult Truth”

Midwinter Nights Walk

It was probably close to 50F when I left Jessica’s house a few hours ago intending to come home and possibly read or knit. The walk from Jessica’s to the house I’m staying is short enough that I almost do not have to experience the weather before I am back inside. Thankfully a light breeze caressed my cheek just halfway home and I took the gesture as an invitation to take a walk. In addition to the nearly warm night air, my tummy was very full from some delicious, spicy dish I had just eaten at Jessica’s.
Add to that a head full of questions, prayers and thoughts, and you have the perfect ingredients for a very good, long walk…. Continue reading “Midwinter Nights Walk”

Wherever You Go

Great change is required inside me for there to be great change on the outside.

I don’t think that is an exact quote, but I heard something like this on Sunday and it just came back to me as I was sitting here. I had a photo shoot yesterday with some friends and I was here at the computer to edit them.  I also needed to call someone with YWAM in Colorado to tell them that I will not be coming as soon as I had previously estimated, partially because I am broke.

Confused is a good word to describe how I feel. How much detail should I go into here on the internet?
I think, for one, that it fits with my personality to wrestle with decisions, directions and changes. I just do that. Sometimes I wonder if I overdue this part of the process. On the other hand it’s possible that I need the struggle to somehow prepare me for the eventual change…. Continue reading “Wherever You Go”

Treading on the Heights

On Sunday I headed out with my good

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friend for a short back country camping trip. We left in the afternoon and headed up Highway 20 toward the North Cascade Mountains.  The weather was incredible!
It took us about 4 hours to get up to Harts Pass and since the hike we wanted to hike would take possibly another 4 hours, we decided to camp there for the night at The Meadows campground.
The colors all along the way were amazing and constantly changing. On the East side of the mountains near Winthrop, the colors are a palate of sage green and lavender… creamy yellow and a muted orange/brown.

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At Harts Pass there are a lot of burned trees- white and black toothpicks which were maybe used to poke all those bright holes in the night sky. Also, GREEN, really green with dots of purple, bright yellow and white flowers.

We were visited in the night by some large beasty thing. We did not see it, but heard its heavy footfalls in the gravel around our tents. I’ll be honest- I was scared. I think it was only a large dear or elk but in the dark I have a vivid imagination and to my ears it sounded more like some alien creature looking for freckles on which to feast.
Nevertheless we awoke uneaten early the next morning. After breakfast and reconfiguring our packs, we headed up again…  further up and further in…. Continue reading “Treading on the Heights”

Last bits of summer…

I added several more pictures to my “people” set. It would have made more sense if I could have attached them to the posts they belong with, but instead I will just tell you they are there so you know.

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The packing is going well. Victories are being won here. At the same time I am preparing to camp for a couple of days in the mountains…. Continue reading “Last bits of summer…”

Fixed. Phewf.

So after coming home on the night of  The Camera Debacle I talked to a friend who encouraged me to find a local repair shop. My initial thought was to send my camera to Canon since that is what I did last time it broke. Boy am I glad I followed my friend’s advice.

I looked up some places and, to be honest, was most drawn to this one place because it was located in Shoreline- where I grew up. I had a bias toward the place. But also, I called around and a few places said it would be a one to two day wait on an estimate. One place charged money for the estimate and another place didn’t even return my call until this morning (too late!).

So here I am recommending the Camera Clinic in Shoreline, WA.
It took about 2 minutes and $30 bucks. The Fall of the camera had resulted in a broken battery door… and apparently there’s a really important connector thingy involved.

Sweet. The camera is fixed!