An unexpected opportunity has come up since returning to Colorado. Although I had prayed several times for the upcoming Crossroads Discipleship Training School (CDTS), I had only thought a little about staffing the school. I’m not sure why, but in my mind it was far fetched. I did not know well the people who would be leading the school and I have never before staffed any school…. so I mostly just yearned to somehow be a part of what God would do, but didn’t really pursue a connection.
Then last week as I sat resting my ankle, one of the school leaders called me up out of the blue and asked if she could come and chat with me. When she had settled herself on the end of my bed, she asked me if I would want to join their team. In prayer she had been feeling like their team was not complete and when she asked for others to pray, my name came up “at the top of the list” (I put that in quotes because I don’t know if there was a literal list being written with numbered names or if it was just that more than one person who thought of me).
I told her I would pray about it and get back to them in a few days (but not too many days since they had already begun staff development).
Sometimes it is hard to hear God on something when I feel strong ambivalence….
am·biv·a·lence ( m-b v -l ns). n. 1. The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, toward a person, object, or idea.
Every time I tried to pray that day I really felt like I was hearing God say two different things.
Granted, I didn’t hate the idea, but I did feel a lot of worry. I worried that I would not be able to get a handle on my time/boundaries/schedule and I would burn out and very quickly be useless to the school. This fear came from the exhaustion I felt at the end of my time at home (caused by my not having taken much time to rest there).
At the same time, I LOVED the idea of being a part of this school… being any part of what God would do in the lives of the students and staff. I love the reality that God allows us to be his hands and feet (arms, ears, heart, etc) in the lives of others as he transforms them and reveals his love to them. He does big, beautiful things and he has so much grace to pour out.
Also, everyone I talked to about it was extremely encouraging. They all seemed to have total confidence that staffing this school was a good idea.
I said yes.
I feel like I haven’t really expressed just how cool it is that I get to do this. It is so meaningful to me that God does, in fact want me to be a part of the precious work he is doing in the hearts and minds of his people. I am so blessed.
So… we’ll see what happens. The students arrive April 4th!!