For the last few weeks I’ve been realizing my need for better time management. I read some list of Signs of Burnout and identified with most of them. Of course I read this only a few days before I planned to come back to Colorado and work. So I asked God what I should do and I felt strongly that a long sabbatical was not the solution- instead I need to learn how to manage my daily time in a way that allows me enough rest to keep going.
Then, less than a week after returning to YWAM I sprained my ankle.
The funny(?) thing is that the morning before I found myself crumpled in the parking lot with fire in my foot I was thinking pretty hard about how I could serve the people on my team. I didn’t consciously think, “I need to prove I’m worth having,” but looking back I realize that I felt this deep down. So I invited one friend over to take a walk with me and I would make her lunch. Honestly I wanted to spend some time catching up with her. Our walk lasted mere minutes and then for the next two days she was helping me all over the place; ice for my ankle, rides to a meeting and to the doctor, crutches to get around on, delivering movies for me to watch while I sat in my bed.
Okay, okay, I get it, I’m resting…
And, true to his character, God has been meeting me as I sit waiting upon him. The most beautiful bit started yesterday. It might be hard to put into words because it was a revelation that involved several things converging to say one thing.
Here is what I saw.
Yesterday God said, “I love you, Peggy.”
Every time I get a revelation of God’s love for me I begin to feel a little anxious. After all, God shows us his love so that we will give it out to others, right? Well? Yes… and… no. God shows his love to us because… he loves us. Before I can ever give his love out to others, I must first receive it for myself. But I tend to have this little fear that I’ll get caught being lazy or selfish; that somehow the love will stop if I don’t keep serving. So, like a car filling up with gas, I stop in briefly, fill up and then get moving.
There is this guy who works with YWAM who speaks all over the world about God’s love and he says that every time he turns around God is revealing his love to him. And what comes after that? More revelations of God’s love. He says that the Christian life is all about discovering the love of God over and over and over and over and over again.
What if God showed me his love so that I would know and believe that he loves me? How will it change me as I embrace this reality?
I want to find out because, I’ll be honest, I need his love and I want to believe him all the time.
Also, it turns out that resting is also good for my ankle! Though very purple, the healing rate is surprising me.