One of my dearest friends ever got married on Saturday. Jessica
Beach Wilson. (she gotta married!)
The couple was stunning. He in pale pink, she in pale yellow- both tall and beautiful people. I was blessed to be able to fly back for the weekend to be there for the party.
What I find hard about parties is that I feel compelled to really connect with everyone I love. I am much better with one on one time than at parties. When there are a lot of people I have a hard time deciding who I should actually connect with since often there is not enough time to do this with everyone in a way that, at the end of the night, I feel like I did it well.
Invariably I end the time (which feels like it has gone in fast forward) thinking (in slow motion) over each interaction and how I could have done my part better. Walking home from my friends house Saturday night I was feeling guilty about several things- ways I “failed” that day and then I sort of pulled out of myself and thought “That is really unnecessary and unkind for you to do this to yourself”.
Is it just me?….
But also I am grateful for several moments. As soon as I picture Jessica and Mosiah trying to get into their car and the ensuing firework-like explosions from 72 popping balloons, I smile. I love that they threw out the shiny stuff we’d stuffed into the visors… I hope the googly eyes, the words written on the windows and the candy in the glove box give them joy while they are on their honeymoon- I hope it reminds them that they are celebrated and loved by so many.
Also a delight this weekend was my little friend Elijah. Elijah is two years old and he was The Ring Bearer. As he was coming down the aisle, Elijah saw Janie (flower girl) dropping flowers and said “uh oh” and started to pick them up… but then when he noticed she kept throwing them out on purpose he started laughing and thought it was awesome. When Janie got to the front she turned around to start picking the petals up again. I love that both Elijah and Janie had this sense of order about the petals but I also love that Elijah took delight in the “mess making”. I felt a little like that decorating Jessica’s car. Much thanks to Dave for helping me hunt for decorations and coming up with great ideas about how to make the car fun. And all of the other sneaky, awesome people who helped blow up balloons, make a pretty mess in the car and then saran wrap it all closed.
Jessica texted me yesterday to say that she loved the car- they are getting honked at everywhere they go.
I have a lot of gushy things I to say about my friends back home. Somehow I think it is nothing in the universe- my feelings act like bombs and tidal waves upon me and yet they don’t even ripple sound waves outside of myself. This is incredible to me. And then if I think back on all of the people- all of the feelings of life and love and friendship and family it all shrinks down like ants shouting in unison and still, somehow reverberating in my chest.
I’m so grateful for this last weekend. Returning here to Colorado Springs I am grateful for this place and the opportunity I have to follow a big dream.
To the people who love me- thank you. Thank you.